You Betcha I'm a Proud Army Mom

Ramblings of an Army mom and probably some rants about the world at large. These are my ramblings and rants and no one else's. Just so you know...

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Location: California, United States

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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

One Week Until Missouri!!!

and 9 days until I get to squooze my Baby Girl!! We're flying in a couple of days early - I've never been to Missouri and N~ and I can use a couple of days out of Dodge playing tourist.
9 weeks ago I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life~ handing over my Baby Girl to Sgt W at 4 am for her to ship out to Basic. It had been a long and tumultuous 8 months since she had decided to go into the Army. And here it was - the moment had arrived.
We had gone to the the Aquarium the day before. I had asked D~ what was the one thing she wanted to do before she left and that was it. So we headed down to the Aquarium on Monday and were wandering around looking at all the sea critters there. As we were nearing the end of the exhibits, I looked over at her and she was on her cellphone (not unusual - she spent alot of time on her cellphone). Then I saw the look on her face and went right over to her. She hung up the phone and started to cry. I went to hug her and asked what was the matter. She pulled away from me and said, "don't!". She said that that was Sgt W and her ship date had been moved up to tomorrow instead of Wednesday. (yup, she's in the Army) So she had to be ready at 4 am Tuesday morning. Well, reality came swooping down and smacking us all in the face. My knees went totally mushy and N~ said, "ok, is this what you really want to do? You still have time to change your mind." D~ said, "I don't know! Yes! No! Maybe..."
We got her calmed down and decided to leave. somehow we got back to the car. I'm so thankful for N~. A calm presence. And he remembered where we had parked the car. I'd still be looking for it. It's hard to think when you can't breath and there's a lack of oxygen going to your brain! D~ didn't talk much on the way home. I didn't breath much on the way home and N~'s jaw was set like stone.
We arrived at home and D~ said "I've got so much stuff to do!" And off she went to get her last minute things she was going to get tomorrow. So she had decided to go for it. I have to say I was definitely of two minds. One, I thought "oh good! we can get her out of this and she can go to the college here." Two, "That's my girl!" And, "How am I going to get through this?" And "it's ok, this is okay..." "No it's not!" N~ just came over and held me as I cried into his shoulder.
When D~ came home we asked her where she wanted to go to eat. I had collected myself by then and was holding myself straight up and trying to think of funny things to say to her.
We went to her favorite restaurant - Mexican food - she figured she wouldn't be getting much of that in Missouri. Then we came home and waited, going about our normal routine. N~ finally went to bed and told me to wake him up before it was time for her to leave. I watched silly stuff on the TV - can't remember a lick of it. D~ spent time on the computer and her cellphone talking to every body and saying goodbye. A friend of hers, R~ was going to come over after got off work. I was so glad for that. (God love him, he stayed until she left.) I went to bed after midnight and set my alarm for 3 am - not that I actually needed my alarm. Oh yeah, like I was going to sleep. I guess I did for a couple of hours off and on, but gave it up at 2:30 am. Made coffee and got on the internet to pass the time. I woke N~ up at an hour later and we could hear D~ moving around in her room, packing and talking. Then it was time - she called Sgt W to make sure he was up and he said he was on his way. My chest still tightens up when I think of that moment. Then his car pulled up and he came to the door. Apparently, I was holding it together on the outside but, inside I was wailing "not now."
D~ went to say goodbye to all the critters. Then she gathered her bag and turned to me and I hugged her good and hard. Then N~ hugged her a good long time. I thought of all they had been through finding their way to a good solid relationship. It hadn't been easy and took a few years but they had made it. My heart tumbled over and over watching them.
I usually give Sgt W a big ol' hug whenever I see him. But I couldn't this time because I knew if I did, I would just shatter right there in my livingroom. (I told him this after, because he was surprised that I hadn't hugged him. I knew he'd start liking those hugs - lol) D~ gave R~ a good hug and kiss and then walked out the door. I watched the car drive away and walked into kitchen and sat down and burst into tears. N~ had followed me and just put his arms around me and rocked me. He wasn't doing too well himself. R~ stayed for awhile after - he's such a good kid. We offered him breakfast but he declined saying he was going home to get some sleep.
I don't remember the hours that followed to tell you the truth. I must have gotten through the day - N~ had gone to work - I probably wandered around the house, starting this and that. Just don't have a clue.
D~ called that night saying that she was still at the hotel, that they weren't leaving until the next morning. (Yup, she's in the Army!) We both laughed and said, "of course!" She only had a few minutes to talk and I told her I had already started writing to her. I asked her if she was alright and she said "Yeah, I'm okay with this. Nervous, but okay."
I slept that night, giving her over to the Powers That Be.